It's You

There’s so much memories I left behind. From my childhood until now, when I already get my id card and allow to get married freely. But, then when I checked it, It’s all about you. Every moment I remember either it’s sad or happy. It’s all you. And I just realize that my life is your life, that my time has already given to you since I was a cute little baby with an empty brain and mind.

Now, you’ve gone, you’ve moved to your new life that is not mine anymore. You go with new people that are very different with me. Are you comfortable? Are you enjoying your life now? Are you happy with what you get now? Are you? We never say clearly that we hate each other or we should be separated. You just said that I deserve a better life without you that you didn’t even know what better looks like. You also said that I will be happier if I didn’t meet you anymore. You know, you are a full bullshit guy I’ve ever found. You are Mr.Know-it-all. You acted like knowing every little thing about me, whereas you don’t. I am not even happier now. Every single day without you is hardest moment in my life. I’m crying over and over again. I was dreaming about you on my sleep every night and when I’m back to the real life, I didn’t see you. I miss you, you know. I’m sad and frustrate. I’m not better at all.

Five years are a long time to me for trying to be happy without you. It’s a long time to me for finding the new one. Hot and cool guys sneak me around, ask for hanging out on the Saturday night, flirt with me one or two or more times, but then, They are just guys. I don’t even have feeling to them. I don’t even care what is going to happen in their life. The only one I care about is you. You. You again.

Now, I don’t know how to reach you. I don’t know if you still want me like you did. I try to believe in you for the last five years, trying to find what better and happier means in your dictionary. Are they different with mine? But, I just failed every time I try. I got my eyes wet and my door locked then just hearing hopeless girl’s crying.

The only thing I have is just memories that can connect you and me. Sad or happy memories, I don’t care. If it’s all about you, it will look same in my eyes. My memories are my best friends now, even my boyfriend, my partner, my mate. Remembering you, thinking about you, are my favorite activities. That they are all are the only things that makes me better and happier. Probably, you might forget some words in you last words for me five years ago. You should say, “You will be better and happier without me, but still keeping our memories on your mind,”

Brand New Me

It's hard to change to be something different. Totally different. It's hard to face the consequences after changing. Every people's comment either it's good or bad. Their way looking at me like the weird one til the happiest one. Thinking about the old me also. Missing the old me sometimes. It's truly hard. Really. 

But, then i remember the reason i change. It's all not just because i feel bored with the long hair, the ordinary dress style, and the character also. It's more than that. I wanna become someone who better than me at that time. I felt like i was useless then i want to change to be useful. Yeah, something like that. 

I know, every people or should i call the hater doesn't have to know my reason or my explaining. This is none of their business. What will i get if i tell them this? Nothing, right? 

Alright, after all, i just want to share you guys my new look. I'm very blessed and more than just happy to see the new me. With that super short bob hairstyle, the red lips, til the cute little skirt that i will always wear everyday. 

"I live for myself, for my God, i will do things that me and Him like not things what people like."

"That comments, that judges especially the negative one are just that. It doesn't affect with my life, my future, or even my afterlife. I don't give a f*ck about em."

"Changing myself and take a really new and rare step are my dreams. Now, i can see that sweetest smile ever."

"Cut that hair and become the new one. No cry, no regret, no disappointed. That hair will grow longer. Stay calm."

Lelap Selamanya

Malam telah tiba dengan tetes suara air

Menampik di atas atap

Tertahan di sela-sela bata

Tersibak dari dedaunan

Pagi kan datang mungkin dengan tetes air

Yang lebih sendu atau lebih merdu

Merayu setiap telinga yang tertidur

Membangunkan setiap mata yang terpejam

Lebih baik begini

Lelap dalam dekap

Hangat dalam sengat

Sejuk dalam peluk

Lebih baik begini

Embun tak berarti

Terang tak dinanti

Matahari tak boleh berseri

Di lelap ini, ku gambarkan suatu lukisan

Terdapat keteduhan di wajah tokohnya

Tersenyum sipu ditatap langit

Namun mata tak mungkin lupa

Tentang malam-malam kemarin

Dimana sesal dan kesal bercampur

Lalu derita dan duka bermunculan

Sudah kubilang,

Lebih baik begini

Lelap dalam dekap

Hangat dalam sengat

Sejuk dalam peluk

Dan lebih baik begini

Selamanya

Curahan Hati si Bunga Layu

Hilang sudah indahku menurutmu

Walau berkali-kali kau tetap katakan cantik

Aku tahu itu ungkapan kedustaan

Mataku tahu tentang tatapan itu

Yang jijik dengan aroma tularan tubuhku

Matamu sepertinya sudah pandai

Seperti hidungmu

Mampu mengendus aroma tak sedap itu

Cintaku, sadarilah, betapa kutahu hinanya aku

Malam pun bercerita tentang buruk dan tak pantasnya aku

Tinggalkan lah saja, Cintaku

Aku bukan lagi berlian di dasar sungai

Aku hanyalah batu di tepi pantai

Carilah bunga yang lebih semerbak, Cintaku

Bukan bangkai sepertiku

Wanginya bisa-bisa buatmu jatuh koma

Terbanglah lagi, Cintaku

Taman di seberang atau padang di ujung jalan

Mungkin bisa jadi tempat pencarianmu

Kan kutunggu, Cintaku

Karena ku tak sabar lihat indah yang dulu nampak di diriku

Cantikku

Cantik

Dengar suara 

Yang berlomba meraba-raba

Katanya,

"Sentuhan sunyi tatapan mata

Mengusik hati yang sedang lara"

Cantik

Kalau nanti ku telah dewasa

Jemput aku dengan wibawa 

Yang sering kau sebut di sela-sela kata

Cantik

Bahagia dan kesenduan menjadi satu

Membumi bersama dalam dekapan rindu

Ah, wajahmu mengingatkanku

Akan melodi cinta yang merdu

Cantikku, 

Sambutlah aku di gerbangmu

Dengan asa yang menari-nari 

Di hati yang telah lama berdebu

Karena ditinggal sang peri

Cantikku,

Apakah kau terima persembahan ini? 

Apakah kau rela kudatangi?

Kuketuk pintunya

Kusinggahi tiap ruangnya

Lalu tinggalkan bekas

Yang bisa kau ingat dan biarkan lama disana

Atau cepat-cepat kau bersihkan

Kabut Dibalik Matanya

Sedang bersahaja di balik pohon katanya

Dengan rindu yang mengusap wajah

Dengan sukma yang tertegun karena asa

Ia duduk disana, memandang langit tak berkedip

Sedang bercumbu di tengah hutan katanya

Biar bersatu dengan alam 

Biar burung dan dedaunan menjadi saksi

Betapa hina dirinya 

Biarlah ia lakukan apa yang diingininya

Tak mampu dilarang siapapun tak terkecuali Tuhan

Bibir Tuhan menjadi begitu tak berarti di matanya

Apalagi nasihat-nasihat orang yang tak berarti sepertiku

Dibalik matanya kutemukan arti kehidupan

Lalu sendu suaranya mengayomi sanubariku

Namun sayup matanya rintih meminta pertolongan

Hanya saja kepalanya terlalu batu 

Dia, jika boleh kupinta satu hal 

Maka kembalilah 

Maka sadarilah

Renungilah semua ketidakbiasaan dirimu 

Mungkin bisa tanyakan ke pohon, burung, dan dedaunan

Mungkin mereka kan beri satu jawaban

Mungkin tanyakan padaku, dan kuberi kepastian 

Mungkin...